In many ways, we're taught that our wedding day is an occasion when we must let go of our former selves, and step into a time of “permission getting” and “brownie points.” We're told that marriage is about two people becoming one, who are to think and behave as one unit for the rest of their days. In society, we're trained to believe that marriage is a life-altering event. We're conditioned to believe that being married is a time distinct from the rest of our lives I can still hear those words coming from his mouth and feel the great sense of sadness every time I remember them.
His response was fast and matter-of-fact, “Because that is what marriage means to most people.”Īlthough he was actually expressing support and saying that people don't understand because of their own world views, it was a statement that has lingered with me ever since. One night at dinner, I said to one of my colleagues, “I don't know why people think that once you get married you can no longer have a life of your own too, with your own goals and dreams that you pursue alongside your common ones.” When other passengers discovered that I was married, they would often have one of the responses I listed above. Everyone assumed that I must be unmarried, because, in their eyes, I couldn't possibly be doing this otherwise. It's strange that many people can't compute that you can both be happily married with shared passions and also have your own individual interests you pursue separately.Ī few years ago, I decided to work on a ship that was circumnavigating the globe for three months. Yes, you can be happily married and travel by yourself too When I am alone in a place, I am facing the world just like any other woman traveling by herself. It's amazing how many people think I'm “safer” or “don't have to worry about the same things” when I travel alone, simply because I wear a ring.
Now that solo women's travel has become a popular trend, many want to put other women down by saying it's not real solo female travel if you travel alone when married. I'm not a married person who wishes to be single on their holidays.Īt the same time, I'm no less of a solo female traveler or different just because I happen to be married. It's just that younger women who happen to be unmarried tend to dominate the media when it comes to the solo female traveler movement, and hence why many people seem to equate the two.ĭon't think I throw away my wedding band while I'm away or that my marriage is in some kind of trouble just because I'm taking a trip without my husband. It is not related to marital status (or age or anything else). This is simply untrue.Ī solo traveler means anyone who is traveling alone. Many people have the misunderstanding that solo travel equates to singles' travel. “But you're married!” (look of complete disbelief)Īnd my personal favorite, “Your husband allows you to travel by yourself?” (what is wrong with you and your relationship that your husband is OK with this?!) Solo travel doesn't mean singles' travel
“Is your marriage in trouble?” (worried expression) The things people say to married women who travel soloĬommon responses to conversations about a trip I'm taking alone include: Suddenly your travels have zero cachet and people go from ‘you go, girl' to straight-up recoil at what a sad state of affairs your marriage must be in. The world is your oyster and despite any fears you may have about traveling alone, you are inspiring because you go out there and do it anyway.Īdd a ring into the equation, and people's views do an instant flip. You don't believe in waiting for the right time or when others are ready to travel with you. You need to be unmarried to be considered a solo female traveler.Īccording to current trends, being unmarried and traveling alone means you are a badass solo traveler. Yet, as cool as women traveling on their own terms has become, I've discovered it comes with a huge societal caveat. In an age when female solo travel has finally become “a thing,” you'd think that the idea of a woman traveling alone wouldn't be overly surprising. It's interesting observing people's reactions when they find out that not only do I travel without my husband at least some of the time, I actively encourage it.
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